Gray hair is God's graffiti.

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After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was "Don't.

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I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

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Old is always fifteen years from now.

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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

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If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

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Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

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I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

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Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

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Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

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