Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!

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How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?

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Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

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Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

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To love is an active verb.

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Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

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Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how.

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Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today.

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Celery, raw, Develops the jaw

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Some debts are fun while you are acquiring them, But none are fun when you set about retiring them.

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