More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
