#Quote
More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
