#Quote
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
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More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
