My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.- Mitch Hedberg

---

An Immense hatred keeps me alive... i would live for a thousand years if i were certain of seeing the whole world croak.

---

I did NOT have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty. ― Imelda Marcos

---

Harry consists of a hundred or a thousand selves, not of two.

---

Sometimes a thousand people say you are going in the wrong direction, but if you are a thousand times sure, keep walking! ― Mehmet Murat ildan

---

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.- Mitch Hedberg

---

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!- Mitch Hedberg

---

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.- Mitch Hedberg

---

Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck! ― Aladdin

---

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.- Mitch Hedberg

---