Our first object is... the obtaining of sovereignty, assured by international law, over a portion of the globe sufficiently large to satisfy our just requirements. - Theodor Herzl

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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.- Mitch Hedberg

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I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. -Mitch Hedberg

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Nobody likes being alone that much. I don't go out of my way to make friends, that's all. It just leads to disappointment. ― Haruki Murakami

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I'm just a fun guy.- Post Malone

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Meeting Peter Dinklage was just great. - Alfie Allen

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Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory. -William Barclay

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I'm just doing me, and to me, that's what got me this far. -Lil Uzi Vert

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Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!- Mitch Hedberg

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Sometimes I can't see myself when I'm with you. I can only just see you — Jodi Lynn Anderson

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