If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. ― Steven Wright

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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. ― steven wright

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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. ― Steven Wright

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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. ― Steven Wright

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When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. ― Steven Wright

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The rich don't have to kill to eat. They employ people, as they call it. The rich don't do evil themselves. They pay. People do all they can to please them, and everybody's happy.

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If it can bleed, we can kill it. ― Arnold Schwarzenegger

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Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work, one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

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I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. ― Steven Wright

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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing. ― Steven Wright

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