Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

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If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

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I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

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I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

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Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

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You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

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My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you.

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There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

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It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

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Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

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