If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything. - Marilyn Monroe

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Knowing what you can not do is more important than knowing what you can do. In fact, that's good taste.

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The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

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You see much more of your children once they leave home.

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I had my life Monday through Friday in school, and then I had my 'real life,' which was my acting class on Saturday. — Gillian Jacobs

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The number-one show in America on Sundays will be Celebrity Apprentice. Monday nights, The Voice will be number one. Wednesday nights, Survivor will be number one. And Friday nights, Shark Tank will be number one. It just takes some time management for me to focus. — Scott Raab

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Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

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Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

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We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.

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